probably wasting my time, as usual..

i am annoyed to be the one to point this out because it's so OBVIOUS.. but do any of you idiots who seem to think i'll be satisfied throwing away EVERYTHING i've busted my ass off in life to get- JUST to be dependant SOLELY on SOCIAL SECURITY and mindlessly attend a pathetic excuse of some "rehabilitation" institute? throw away my entire school record of A's and B's and being involved in sports (when i didn't work a job) for the CONVENIENCE of people who only pay attention to me on their own time? DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M THAT FUCKING STUPID AND IGNORANT?! lemme tell amanda and ANY OTHER IGNORANT PERSON DEPENDING ON MY DISABILITY TO MAKE THEM LOOK "CARING" AND "SUPPORTIVE".. AFTER I WAS INJURED IN THE CAR ACCIDENT I WAS INVOLVED IN, I WORKED MY ASS OFF IN REHABILITATION SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO IT LATER. I SPENT AT LEAST 30 MINUTES (USUALLY AN HOUR) ON MY FUCKING STANDING FRAME AND PRACTICED WALKING WITH MY DAMN FOUR WHEELED WALKER AT FIRST, PROGRESSED TO A REVERSE WALKER UNTIL I WALKED WITHOUT A WALKER AND THEN PROGRESSED ONTO TWO TREKKING POLES, THEN FINALLY WITH A CANE OR TREKKING POLE. I'M NOT GOING BACK IN MY REHABILITATION PROCESS JUST SO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME APPEARS "SUPPORTIVE" AND "CARING". AMANDA COULDN'T EVEN ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM (OR ANY OF THE TIMES I WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM FOR THAT MATTER). "YOU GOT THIS!" IS THE ONLY EXCUSE FOR "SUPPORT" I HAVE EVER RECEIVED FROM HER. i could be dead.. "YOU GOT THIS!" will save me. more proof that she LACKS empathy because i KNOW that she wouldn't EVER want that for herself and ONLY that when or if she happened to have a traumatic brain injury with a deceased advocate and a disabled, ignorant mom expected to "support" her. i tried calling my mom when i got rushed to the emergency room in burnsville when i fell outta my wheelchair on the ice in burnsville when the stupid caretaker was too stupid to salt the ice on the parking lot at the apartment. she IMMEDIATELY started bawling like the world was ending. she's not emotionally mature to deal with having children. i'm just assuming amanda assumes that i'm naive and thoughtless like my mom (because she's my mom), that's the reason why i got into a car with a drunk friend and got into an accident.. lemme tell you something, it's not like i could've said to tim, "can you hold on? i need to call my grandpa for a SAFE ride home!" no.. my grandpa would've said, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN NEW YORK?" i went there because people like you assume i'm an idiot because where i came from- minnesota doesn't have any opportunities in the jobs i'm interested in (at the time and not the kind of jobs i was interested in), i also wanted to see new york and i was a stupid, anxious, punk teenager that didn't think anything could go wrong. i wasn't getting the care i needed in minnesota from family to make me feel like an adequate, satisfied person. MINNESOTA IS THE BEST FOR HEALTH CARE! SAYS A WOMAN WHO'S NEVER BEEN DISABLED OR CHRONICALLY SICK IN HER LIFE. AS IF YOU KNOW WTF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED HAVING TO DEPEND ON THERAPISTS, PCA'S, DOCTORS, ETC. ON A DAILY BASIS?! NEVER. EVEN MY FRIEND RYAN SAID THAT THE HEALTH CARE IN NEW YORK IS BETTER AND THEY HAVE COURAGE KENNYS THERE ALSO, EINSTEIN. the difficulty in moving is NOT new york/the destination itself- it's unsupportive, entitled, naive, and ignorant family members who refuse to help in any way because they're so egotistical, entitled, and ignorant to their family member's well-being because it's DIFFERENT than they want for themselves.. I GOT NEWS FOR YOU- THIS IS MY LIFE. NOT WHATEVER'S MORE CONVENIENT AND BENEFICIAL TO AMANDA'S LIFE.. or a narcissistic mother who acts like she cares only when it's convenient for her. THAT'S NOT WHAT "FAMILY" IS ABOUT. i refuse to shrink my capability and ability for the convenience of people who DON'T really give a damn about me unless it makes them appear "caring" and "loving" to other people. i spent about an hour posting this post- i probably just wasted my time seeing as i KNOW i've reiterated this in the past MANY times because NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME UNLESS IT MAKES THEM LOOK GOOD OR SOMETIMES IF IT'S CONVENIENT IF THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.. and amanda wonders WHY i wanna move outta state.. "minnesota has EVERYTHING!" maybe it has EVERYTHING that YOU need to be successful and truly happy but i can honestly say that i DON'T feel the same way.